I were very young, the first time I were concerned about cancer. I were so worried about cancer so I went to my doctor with my problem. But the doctor refused to listen to me, and told me I were too young to get cancer. So I tried to let it go.
During the years, there were other familymembers which got cancer of different kinds, but also breast cancer. I didnt do anything with my worries, not before my mother got the diagnosis also. And I could not ignore it anymore. The feeling I had in my breast, and the changes I could see in my skin with my bare eye. And the lump I could feel. And in spite of everything, about how lucky I am, I know I should have gone to see my doctor before.
Because I had been worried for breast cancer in so many years, I had been thinking about how I would solve my possible breast cancer problem. I therefore knew very early, that I would choose to undergo mastectomy on both sides. Mine breast have been of a large size since I became a woman, and I never really liked how men only would focus so much on my breast, and not see me, for who I really am. So I told someone how I felt about it, that I really would not mind it IF I really had got breast cancer. The response I got back were shocked comments, showing that this person did not really understand any of my humor and my sarcasm about my own breast and about those men which stare at them. Maybe this person have never really understood the problem, or got any personal insight with what breast cancer and other breast problems really means. And the more I read about cancer and breast surgery, the more steady on my decision I became. Please, do learn to really listen to the person in front of you, instead of judging just because you dont understand.
Now I have undergone two mastectomy operations. My first breast were taken last year, and the second this spring. Which is partly the reason why I have not update my blog so much. I have not undergone chemo, and I do not take any medicine for breast cancer. My cancer were so small, that I discovered I had the freedom to choose. And there are only regularly health control by now, to be sure everything are fine.
How I feel now. I feel no sorrow for undergoing a total mastectomy. I feel free from that burden where cancer could come back in my breast. Then, I am also free from the weight of them, which feels like a relief. I'm getting better day by day and cancer is not something I feel is any big deal for me. There are many diseases in this world, and now I got rid of one of them. For now. Besides, it is funny to see how other people react to illness and cancer. My response to them are just: Oh, really??
If there is anything I would like to say, it is this: Any person undergoing breast cancer, should have the right to choose full mastectomy or not. Even in these times of popularity of full breast reconstruction. Because when I told the hospital doctors that I did not want any reconstruction with all the problems and extra operations that follows, they did not believe me. As a woman I am suposed to wish back my breast, at any cost. But not every woman have the same wishes.
But then, what if I dont want to reconstruct any of mine breast? What if I dont want to undergo several operations to create some fake breast of my skin, muscles or fat from another part of my body? And then, what if I needed silicon? "Come back after 10 years if everything go fine and we will replace the silicon.." Which means more surgery. Or, if you remove only parts of your breast or takes a full mastectomy of one side, and never feel strong enough to speak out about taking full mastectomy both sides, "here are a paper which give you right to get a special fitted bh and a silicon fitted to it.." Forget to mention the cost of it every year, or if it get broken.
So, what if you dont want any of this?
What if you want a more simple life in spite of everything.
Why must women with cancer struggle with the public system about their own body and health?
Why must anyone struggle at all?
I told them I wanted full mastectomy, when I arrived the hospital. The answer I got were that they do not remove healthy breast. Personally, I think this answer is a very stupid way to solve problems for breast cancer patients. A woman with cancer do mostly undergo chemo, and a lot of other treatments, if she do not dare to speak out for her self, and also do not know what can be the coming health problems after this treatment. Breast reconstructions should not means that women like me have to fight just to get cancer breast simply removed. Not every woman care about having a valley on their chest..
I hope you see my point.
And remember, I talk about my experiences and how I see things.
Do take a breast reconstruction if you want to, but remember, you dont have to do that, to still be a woman.
I had breast cancer. But I'm not my breast.
This is my breast cancer story, and my thoughts during the past years.